Interview with Brenda Drake

I am super excited to have the pleasure of interviewing Brenda Drake for this week's Author Spotlight. Brenda is the author of Thief of Lies and Touching Fate.

As is the tradition, I asked Brenda to provide her author bio and here it is:

Brenda Drake grew up the youngest of three children, an Air Force brat, and the continual new kid at school. She hosts workshops and contests for writers such as Pitch Wars and Pitch Madness on her blog, and holds Twitter pitch parties on the hashtag, #PitMad.

When she’s not writing or hanging out with her family, she haunts libraries, bookstores, and coffee shops, or reads someplace quiet and not at all exotic (much to her disappointment). She’s represented by Peter Knapp at New Leaf Literary. Look for her novels Touching Fate and Thief of Lies (Library Jumpers Book 1) out now from Entangled Teen.

Would you like to give readers a blurb on your latest book, Thief of Lies?

Gia Kearns would rather fight with boys than kiss them. That is, until Arik, a leather clad hottie in the Boston Athenaeum, suddenly disappears. While examining the book of world libraries he abandoned, Gia unwittingly speaks the key that sucks her and her friends into a photograph and transports them into a Paris library, where Arik and his Sentinels—magical knights charged with protecting humans from the creatures traveling across the gateway books—rescue them from a demonic hound.

Jumping into some of the world’s most beautiful libraries would be a dream come true for Gia, if she weren’t busy resisting her heart or dodging an exiled wizard seeking revenge on both the Mystik and human worlds. Add a French flirt obsessed with Arik and a fling with a young wizard, and Gia must choose between her heart and her head, between Arik’s world and her own, before both are destroyed.

What genre are your books?

I currently write young adult fantasy novels.

What draws you to this genre?

Everything is new to kids and there is a world of possibilities in front of them. Life hasn’t jaded them yet. They’re not afraid to take chances. It’s fun walking in their shoes.

Have you ever considered writing stories for other genres?

I do write middle grade fantasy, too. But I haven’t even considered writing anything other than children’s books. I enjoy writing books for the young at heart.

When did you first discover your passion for writing?

Like most writers, I enjoyed reading and writing stories at a young age. I would get lost in stories. It was a great escape for me. Life can be messy when you’re young and growing up a little awkward. I didn’t fit in until my junior year of high school. My dad was in the military, so I was constantly the new girl at school during my elementary years and some of my middle school years. Having book friends and creating characters took me away from the not so fun times. I wrote my first story in third grade in a spiral notebook. It was about a girl who took her pet monster to school. I wish I still had that notebook.

Yes, I too moved around a lot. Reading and writing truly is a great escape!
How long have you been writing?

I’ve been writing stories ever since I could write. I was a single mom at twenty and had to work, so writing wasn’t important then. When I remarried and stayed home with the kids, I picked it up again. I’ve been writing with an aim for publishing my work for ten years now.

What inspires your stories?

The craziest things can inspire my writing. For Thief of Lies I was inspired by a coffee table book with photographs of the most beautiful libraries in the world. I just watch, listen, and imagine with objects I find and people I meet. The question “What if?” is always playing in my head. What if that bird outside my window could talk? What would she say? And what if she had a mechanical wing? What happened to her? I just listen for the questions to hit my thoughts, and then I start writing.

Wow! It's clear that you have an excellent imagination!
Do you have a special routine or ritual when you sit down to write?

Coffee. Social Media. Coffee. Emails. Coffee. Then I sit down to write.

What is the best part about being a writer?

The uniform is pajamas, and you can drink coffee all day and make your characters do everything you would never do. But really, the best part of being a writer is when someone reads your book and tells you they loved it.

What is the worst part about being a writer?

You can wear pajamas all day and drink coffee all day. You start to feel a little dumpy. But seriously, the worst part of being a writer is when someone reads your book and despises you for writing it and wasting their time.

Oh boy! Yes, some reviews can be rather harsh.
Do you ever feel self-conscious when writing love or sex scenes? Why or Why not?

Oh gosh, yes! I’m so self-conscious about it. I was brought up to be a good girl. Ha! What were my parents thinking? My junior and senior years I was a bit wild. But because of how I was raised, I still freak out writing steamy scenes because people will know that I was thinking about the sexy.

Haha! That's my biggest worry too - that people I know will read it and judge me.
If you write in the realm of fantasy, do you ever worry about how believable your scenes will be to your readers?

All the time. I really rely on my critique partners, beta readers, and my editor to catch things like that and tell me if I’ve gone too far. It all could work in my mind, but I don’t always get it through in the writing. Having others read it helps to make sure it’s not confusing. I’m sure there will be some readers who won’t connect with what I’ve created. But I always try to do the best I can to make the scenes believable.

Do you write for yourself or to what you believe your readers want?

I’d say a little of both. But mostly for the readers.

What do you do to get book reviews?

My publisher takes care of that for me. They put it on Netgalley and we tweet about it. They also send a call out to their email subscribers, I believe. I make sure to share that the ARC is available to my friends and followers on my social media accounts.

How successful has your quest for reviews been so far?

We had tons of requests for advanced copies, so it went well.

How do you deal with negative reviews?

I’m still learning how to deal with them. It can be heart crushing to see them. The more time goes by since the release, the easier it’s getting. And I drink wine. A lot.

Hey, if the wine eases review anxiety, I'll have to acquire a taste for it too! Haha!
Do you have a marketing strategy when announcing your books?

I’m still learning this part. There’s so much to learn. My publisher and my hired publicist come up with plans. We’ve done blog tours, events, and ads to get the word out.

Was there any technique in particular that had the best or most immediate impact on your sales? If so, would you care to share it?

Having a pre-order campaign was really helpful and got books sold before the release day. I think engaging with others and being out there, being yourself and not constantly hitting people with your book works well.

Do you find promoting your books challenging or enjoyable?

It’s challenging and, at times, it’s enjoyable. I really love getting to know bloggers and readers. I’d rather be writing than promoting a book, though. I feel a little out of place promoting it.

Did you make any marketing mistakes or is there anything you would avoid in the future?

I think spending too much on swag and not putting money where it works the best. But I now know what to do for the next book. I guess it’s a trial and error kind of thing.

Ah yes, the swag. It's hard not to get excited about it though :)
What do you think of traditional publishing vs. self-publishing?

I think there’s no one path for everyone. There’s always room for great books and it’s up to the author to decide the best path for them. I’m all about writers helping writers no matter how they’re published.

Would you say there is a stigma to being self-published?

I think so, and I feel it’s unfair. Some of my favorite writers started out as self-published authors.

Do you have a favorite author?

It’s always changing. I have so many favorites. But right now, it’s my critique partner, K.T. Hanna. I love her Domino Series. It happens to be self-published. Her writing is beautiful. She’s even received a great write up by Kirkus Reviews, which is hard to get. 

What are you currently working on?

I’m working on Cursing Fate, the second book in the Fated Series, while waiting for edits to come back for Guardian of Secrets, the second book in the Library Jumpers series.

Do you identify with any of the characters in your book(s)? Why?

I think I identify with them all a little. You can’t help but write a little piece of yourself in your characters. Though, I like to push them to do stuff I would never dream of doing.

I have to admit that I live vicariously through my characters too :)
Would you like to give readers a bit of a teaser for your latest work?

I’d love to. How about a scene from Guardian of Secrets (Library Jumpers Series Book 2) between Arik and Gia:

“Details,” he said, that grin morphing into a crooked smile, his dark eyes watching me intently.

“Well, if you’re going to insult someone,” I whispered. “You should get it right.” I took a few uncertain steps forward. I wanted to throw myself at him, but I kept calm. “Females are peahens and aren’t colorful at all. They’re more like me.”

“Then I shall be quite happy with my peahen.” He met my steps and looked down at me.

What a great scene! It certainly drew me in!
What advice would you give to aspiring authors?

Keep writing. I have had many heartaches and many missteps. I’ve been rejected (a lot). I’ve had to change my course (a few times). But giving up was never an option for me. Perseverance is the key to realizing your dreams.

Excellent advice!
Is there anything you would like to add?

Just a HUGE thank you for interviewing me today!

The pleasure was certainly mine! Thank you for giving readers a glimpse into your life and allowing us to get to know you. Where can readers go to learn more about you and your work?

Website:  http://www.brenda-drake.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BrendaLeeDrake?ref=hl
Twitter: https://twitter.com/brendadrake
Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7012713.Brenda_Drake
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brendadrakeauthor/
Pinterest:  https://www.pinterest.com/brendaleedrake/
Amazon Author Page:  http://www.amazon.com/Brenda-Drake

The Mission

It started like any other day… better in fact. The sun was out. There was only a slight chill in the air. And for the first time in a long while, I was well rested and had time to enjoy my morning coffee and toast. Then my orders came in.

I went out to examine the field and was disturbed by the vision before me. Putrid, decaying masses were everywhere! My job? To collect these foul bodies and properly dispose of them. I sighed heavily as I reached for my specialized equipment. At least it would allow me to retrieve the masses without coming into contact with them. But nothing could escape their foul rotting odor.

There were so many this time, and where they lay seemed so random. The creature responsible for this no doubt carelessly went about her ritual. In fact, I’m sure the thought of my inconvenience never once crossed her mind.

It’s not that she is a cruel being. It’s natural for her. I’d say… it’s a form of relief. I guess I’m lucky that we only have one in our zone. Other camps have two, three, even four of them, all programmed with the same instincts.

I could see her out in the distance. She was on the perimeter inspecting her handy work with what I decided was a self- satisfied grin.  Who really knows what these creatures are thinking. Even the scientists who studied them could only make educated guesses.

As I stood there watching her, a sudden pulse of panic shot through my body. She spotted me! She stared at me for a moment and then slowly made her way toward me. I had to act quickly. I couldn’t leave the collected masses for her to riffle through and toss around. I already collected them once and wasn’t about to do it all over again.

I tripped as I turned to get away. I looked back only to see her now running toward me. It was over - there was no escaping now. In one blink, she was hovering over me – her hot, musky breath filled my nostrils. I could see her sharp white teeth just under her lips as her face drew closer to mine. I closed my eyes and held my breath, her mouth now inches from me. I felt a drop of saliva fall on my cheek as her slobbery tongue licked my face all over. It tickled and I laughed, making her lick me with even more determination.

Sure, these weekly missions left much to be desired. But, the burden is small in comparison to the love of man's best friend.

In Loving Memory of Ginger

Interview with Neal Tyree

Today, it is my pleasure to present Neal Tyree - a friend, once fellow co-worker and author of Exit of the Ascended. I owe Neal much gratitude. He was the one to finally convince me to take the leap and self-publish. His enthusiasm for writing served as quite an inspiration for me.

To get things rolling, I asked Neal to tell readers a bit about himself. Here's what he had to say:

I like to think of myself as a tinkerer. I like to learn about everything from machines to plants. I have tried many different forms of art. Writing may be the one I enjoy the most.

Could you give readers an idea of what your book is about?

Exit of the Ascended fits best I think in the cyberpunk genre. It is humanity against technology.

What genre are your books?

Science Fiction.

What draws you to this genre?

Imagination. Orwell, Jules Verne, Isaac Asimov all take me on trips outside of reality. They make me think a lot of what is possible.

Have you ever considered writing stories for other genres?

I have and even attempted to write different kinds of genres. My heart just wasn’t into it. There is a freedom of writing Science Fiction I have not found anywhere else.

When did you first discover your passion for writing?

When I was six, I wrote “Bear Island.” Two shipwrecked people were stuck on an island with helpful bears. In writing that, I knew I would write for the rest of my life.

Bear Island sounds pretty cool. You might have to "re-boot" that one, haha!
How long have you been writing?

I have been writing for about thirty years. Most of what I have written is long gone. There were a lot of short stories and half-written books.

What inspires your stories?

Most of my inspiration comes from society. What I daydream the future will hold, or could possibly hold.

Do you have a special routine or ritual when you sit down to write?

Coffee, coffee, coffee. With the caffeine in my system and the time to write, I will just pound out five or six thousand words in a sitting. I don’t try to put rules and regiment to writing. It is creative, and regimenting the process would make it too much like work and kill my writers high.

Most writers I know are addicted to coffee (myself included). I should market a drink called "Writing Fuel". Hmm...
What is the best part about being a writer?

The freedom. A long time ago, in high school my art teacher Mr. Platus told me, “There are no rules in art.” I have no boundaries when I sit and write. The story can be as absurd as I want, or as predictable as I want.

What is the worst part about being a writer?

Without a doubt, editing. I enjoy the flow of writing. Being in the zone where your fingers can’t move fast enough to keep up with your brain is awesome. Editing all of it, yuck. It seems to take as long if not longer to edit, than it does to write the story.

Editing can be tedious for sure. But, it's also a great opportunity to "fine tune".
Do you ever feel self-conscious when writing love or sex scenes? Why or Why not?

Haha. Never. I pull from my experiences, maybe even embellish slightly. It is my words, my story. I don’t write to impress anyone, only to free the creative outlet. Love and sex are part of the human experience. They should be used when telling any story if appropriate. I have no hang-ups about writing about sex and love any more than if I were writing about any other human experience.

If you write in the realm of fantasy, do you ever worry about how believable your scenes will be to your readers?

No. I like feedback when I finish parts, to understand what others see in the story.

Do you write for yourself or to what you believe your readers want?

Every drawing, painting, or writing I have ever done was for me. The process takes me to places only they can. The outcome as judged by others, only lets me know how it is perceived. Whether the writing is liked or disliked, I have gotten what I wanted out of writing.

That's a great answer!
What do you do to get book reviews?

I just asked people I knew to give a look at it.

How successful has your quest for reviews been so far?

Great. I do think it is very important to get people who are forward and not your close friend or family. You need to be open to the negative criticism as well as the positive.

How do you deal with negative reviews?

Get more detail. The negative usually is more helpful then the positive. The negative will let you know what areas you need to work on.

Do you have a marketing strategy when announcing your books?

Sadly no. I don’t mush about marketing for a book. Maybe this is why I haven't made the best sellers list yet.

Was there any technique in particular that had the best or most immediate impact on your sales? If so, would you care to share it?

Putting it on Imgur helped a lot.

I may have to look into that.
Do you find promoting your books challenging or enjoyable?

I don’t like it at all. I want to be able to write, then hand it off to an editor who makes everything happen. If I could get away with it, I wouldn’t even spellcheck it.

Did you make any marketing mistakes or is there anything you would avoid in the future?

I would not advertise on Facebook. I spent a good amount of money with no return.

What do you think of traditional publishing vs. self-publishing?

I would like to try traditional. Self-publishing seemed to have a lot of work involved.

Would you say there is a stigma to being self-published?

Yes. For myself, I feel perhaps my book wasn’t up to par. I tried many different publishers and literary agents. None of them were interested.

Do you have a favorite author?

No. There are so many areas I read. Their areas are too different to fairly compare them as writers.

What are some of your favorite books and why?

That’s hard. The Republic by Plato is fascinating. Black Boy by Richard Wright is great. Long Walk to Freedom is moving. Stranger in a Strange Land is insightful. So many authors and genres it is hard to have favorites.

What are you currently working on?

I am working on the sequel to Exit of the Ascended, Return of the Ascended.

I'm looking forward to reading the sequel.
Do you identify with any of the characters in your book(s)? Why?

I identify with parts of them. They allow me to mentally live out certain parts of life.

If your book was made into a movie, who would you cast to play the characters?

I don’t know. Who played what part wouldn’t bother me. How the story is portrayed would be more important.

Would you like to give readers a bit of a teaser for your latest work?

If anyone asked, I would gladly let them give a read to anything I have in the works.

What advice would you give to aspiring authors?

Just get to it. Don’t over think it. Start writing, let the story evolve. The idea is only the beginning of how great it can become. Stories have a way of evolving and growing into things even authors didn’t foresee.

Well, your advice is what finally made me "get to it".
Is there anything you would like to add?

It is not easy to get a book out there. Do it for yourself, if it becomes something, great. If it goes nowhere, you will probably still be proud you made it happen.

That is sound advice. Well, that wraps up this interview. Thanks so much for taking the time to answer my questions and giving readers a chance to get to know you. Where can they go to learn more about you and your work?

Website:  http://booksbyneal.com
Amazon Author Page:  http://www.amazon.com/Exit-Ascended-Neal-Tyree-ebook

Write Because You Can

I've been doing a ton of reading lately, many of them new stories, and others I decided to revisit from my childhood. Among them were two assigned readings from middle school and high school - The Island of the Blue Dolphins and The Diary of Anne Frank. Let me tell you, I haven't stopped thinking about them since. Both of them left what I feel will be a lasting impression on me.

In The Island of the Blue Dolphins, it was inspiring to see a young girl continuing to live as if there were no alternative (i.e. giving up). Each day, Karana woke with a purpose. Regardless of how impossible the task seemed, she pushed through. No matter how lonely, she never gave a moments thought to ending it all.

The Diary of Anne Frank left me in awe of how intelligent and well written a 13-15 year old girl could be. Though it was intended as her diary, there was a lot of creativity in her writing. She had an incredible grasp on life for being so young. Much of her way of thinking was informed and insightful.

While both books were completely different in the stories and lives they portrayed, they left me with one overarching feeling - to keep living your life as though there will always be a tomorrow. I know this goes against the many quotes about "living each day as though it will be your last". But how much more powerful is it to have hope for a new day? I might not do many of the "frivolous" things I enjoy if I thought today would be my last on earth. But, if I had hope for the future, I would live each day aiming for it.

Another thought that's been sitting with me for several days is how Anne Frank aspired to be a journalist and writer. How unfortunate that she never lived to fulfill that dream. Now I examine my life and feel very blessed. Though I'm no fortune teller, I have no reason to believe there won't be a tomorrow for me. So, I will write because my imagination yearns to be brought to life. And, I will write in honor of those whose dreams to do so went unrealized. I will write... because I can. 

Interview with Jewel E. Leonard

My author interview this week is with debut author Jewel E. Leonard. I'm super excited for her as she is launching her first book, Tales by Rails, on February 15th. Ooh, that's only a few days away!

To get things started, I asked Jewel to provide her author bio. So, here’s a bit about her:

Jewel lives with her husband, 7-year-old son and 19-month-old daughter in North Central Texas. The Leonards recently adopted a black kitten who will be Jewel's minion of darkness in short order.

I bet you're pretty excited to have your first book launching in a few short days. Could you give readers a glimpse of what your story is about?

Fresh from a failed marriage, Rhea hops on a train going from Los Angeles to Chicago. It's the perfect escape from her troubles with the added bonus of meeting a sexy stranger. What begins as innocent flirtation swiftly escalates to sexual encounters beyond her wildest dreams.

What genre are your books?

I write in a variety of genres—from sci-fi to fantasy, adventure to romance.  I generally stick to historical (or a historical-feel) and paranormal elements are almost always involved (either as a faint echo or a dominant feature).  Tales by Rails is a bit of a departure from my usual in that it is a contemporary erotic romance.  It was a pure joy to write.

What draws you to this genre?

These genres are the ones I enjoy reading.  They're ones I'm familiar with as a reader and of course I write what I'd like to read.  It's a wonderful "vicious" cycle.

Have you ever considered writing stories for other genres?

I do consider writing in other genres, all the time.  I have an idea for a thriller and I wrote part of a horror for NaNoWriMo last year.  I hit my 50,000 word goal but I didn't write much with that horror component (and will be adding it as I edit).

When did you first discover your passion for writing?

I've been a writer for as long as I can remember.  My earliest recollections of writing go back to when I was about five. 

How long have you been writing?

If I divulged this information, you'd have a pretty good idea how old I am; and (to quote Oscar Wilde) one should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. ;)

Hey, I like that. I may have to use it the next time someone asks ;)
What inspires your stories?

I'm inspired by so many things—smells, music, television shows, random conversation overheard in passing . . . 
Tales by Rails in particular was inspired by my desire to run away from my life and responsibilities during a difficult time.

What is the best part about being a writer?

I love telling stories.  I love entertaining people, connecting with people.  I love the friends I've made because of writing.  When someone tells me "I don't like writing," it's like hearing someone say "I don't like breathing"--I simply can't fathom it.

Oh my, yes! Writing is life itself!
What is the worst part about being a writer?

Rejection, which comes in more forms than the uninitiated realize.

Do you ever feel self-conscious when writing love or sex scenes? Why or Why not?

Generally, no.  But as my 7 year-old son is a fast reader and advanced for his age, now I have to be really careful when I write around him.  I'd love to know I raised a man who is a good and considerate lover.  But he doesn't need to have this information juuust yet!

If you write in the realm of fantasy, do you ever worry about how believable your scenes will be to your readers?

I have that fear with paranormal and I know there are places that there will have to be at least some suspension of disbelief.

Do you write for yourself or to what you believe your readers want?

For myself first and foremost.  You can't please all of the people all of the time but I know for sure I can at least please myself. ;)
And the general consensus is that if you write something you want to read, there are others out there who will enjoy it, too.

How do you deal with negative reviews?

I have promised myself I won't look at reviews.  I expect that to last about half a day. 

Haha! It is hard to resist taking a peek.
Do you find promoting your books challenging or enjoyable?

It's definitely challenging for me.  I wouldn't have done any of it (particularly the blog tour) without the help of a wonderful woman named Ashley-- @ashleygraham55  on Twitter.

Do you have a favorite author?

One of my all-time favorite authors is Nina Bangs.  She writes such fun characters, her books are filled with great humor.  The resolutions are smart and the sex scenes are . . .  sexy! :)  What more could you ask for?

What are you currently working on?

I'm about to start the follow-up novella to Tales by Rails, I'm editing a Steampunk book that will be going out for another round of queries to agents, and I've recently started writing a time-travel tale.

Would you like to give readers a bit of a teaser for your latest work?

    My great-grandmother introduced Anthony to Cleopatra.  My grandmother hooked up Queen Elizabeth I and Robert Dudley.  And my mother?  She had a hand in Voltaire's affair with Émilie du Châtelet.  My eldest sister Chiba had something to do with a woman named Camilla.  That was when she decided to retire from the family business and Peter Henlein's remarkable wearable timepiece came into my keeping.  Of course, I was not yet born when Chiba gave up Henlein's Pomander Watch; but our sister Zehira wanted nothing to do with it or with the family profession.  And thus it went into safe-keeping.  Upon my birth, Mother created the shadowbox in which the timepiece had been displayed those last twenty years, with the hope that I may have someday used it, myself.
    My name is Shelesh Kupplerin and I am a matchmaker.

This is from my time-travel story.  It's surprisingly low on the sex scenes given the plot (especially for me!) and written in first person POV which is a huge departure from my norm.

That one sounds intriguing! I'll definitely be watching for that release date!
What advice would you give to aspiring authors?

Sit your butt. In that chair. And write. 
No one is going to write your story the way you can and time is passing whether or not you're using it. 
Free additional advice: get on Twitter and find yourself some cheerleaders.  I'm an excellent resource and will hook you up with some amazing people you'll wonder how you ever lived without. :)

Is there anything you would like to add?

Thank you so much for interviewing me!  It's been a pleasure! :)

The pleasure was mine! Thank you for taking time out to answer some questions and introducing yourself to readers. I wish you all the best in your author debut and look forward to watching your success! 

Where can readers go to learn more about you and your work?

Website:     http://www.jeweleleonard.com
Blog:          http://www.jeweleleonard.com/blog
Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/Jewel.E.Leonard
Twitter:      https://twitter.com/JewelELeonard
Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/14876393.Jewel_E_Leonard
Pinterest:   https://www.pinterest.com/duckfiend/
Amazon Author Page: http://www.amazon.com/Jewel-E.-Leonard
Smashwords:   https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/JewelELeonard
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jewel.e.leonard/

Writing Inspiration

Many moons ago, my college English teacher had each student write a paper with only the following sentence to base it on: 

"She wore a mask and her face grew to fit it."

That was the first time I knew that I loved to write. My pencil flew across the paper as words magically and effortlessly came to me. I was so excited and proud of myself when I turned my paper in, and waited anxiously for two days before receiving my grade. I got an "A"!

I stared at my paper with a true sense of accomplishment, but was forced to tuck it under my desk to concentrate on class. When I got home that night, I reached for my story hoping to read it again. But, it wasn't there! I spilled out the contents of my backpack and rifled through each paper fruitlessly - at last remembering I had left it under my chair. When I asked my teacher about it, she said no one turned it in.

Well, many years later, I still remember how inspiring that one sentence was - enough so that I could write a complete story around it. I wish desperately that I could remember the story. But, while those words are lost to me forever, trying to recall them inspired a new story. So, I bid you to enjoy, "The Wardrobe".

The Wardrobe

“Okay, what am I wearing to this thing?” she asked herself as she flung open the doors to her walk-in closet and reluctantly walked inside.

Over the years, she amassed a large collection. She had much to choose from, but she was looking for just the right one. The one that truly reflected the way she wanted everyone to see her. It was her fortieth birthday party and everyone she knew (and many she didn’t) would be there.

“This one says ‘I’m overjoyed’,” she said as she pulled one out and examined it. “Nah, I’m not really feeling this one tonight.”

She put it back and continued looking. She didn’t really know what she was looking for. It was going to be an “I’ll know it when I see it” based decision. Normally she just wore what she thought everyone else would like. But, that night, she was feeling a little rebellious.

“Sad, fat, floozy…” she spoke aloud as she riffled through each one. “Hmm… happy,” she paused and looked at it for a moment.  “They’ll be expecting to see me in this one. But, am I happy?”

For the most part, she was happy. But, she wasn’t sure she wanted to walk around with that look for the entire evening. She wanted something more… dynamic – something that would change with her moods.

Her whole life she focused on pleasing other people – worrying what they would think or say. Too afraid to put herself out there, she just fell into the habit of wearing what was safe – what was expected. But, getting older did something to her.

She began questioning why she allowed other opinions to have so much influence and control over her. Why did she agonize about what other people thought? Did they worry even half as much about her feelings as she did theirs?

She knew that whatever she wore, she would have to play the part as well. You can’t wear something that says “let’s party” and go around avoiding everyone the entire evening – which she was inclined to do from time to time. Trying to please everyone but herself was, in a word, exhausting.

“Ugh! I have nothing to wear!” she exclaimed, knowing full well she had plenty of options. She just didn’t want to wear any of them. In fact, she was done with them.

Without wasting another minute rifling through the wardrobe, she walked out and shut the doors – determined to never open them again. She walked over to her dressing table and took a final look in the mirror. After adjusting a few stray hairs and applying a little perfume, she decided she was ready.

“Oh, you’re going ‘all natural’ tonight?” her husband asked when he walked in the room.

“Yes,” she said confidently.

“That works for me,” he replied, raising an eyebrow suggestively as he came over to embrace her. “You know I prefer you this way,” he said sincerely and bent down to kiss her cheek.

She smiled contentedly. Her husband was the only one she allowed to see her like that. Because he loved every side of her, she felt very free around him.

“Are you sure you’re ready for everyone to see you like this?” he asked tenderly.

“Yes. I’ve spent too many years hiding. Love me or hate me, it’s time everyone saw the real me.”

She lifted her hair as her husband helped with her coat - slipping it over her shoulders. After making final adjustments to her long, gold evening dress, she looked over at her husband and smiled.

“You look beautiful,” he admired.

She was a little nervous leaving the house without concealing herself. There would be no going back after everyone saw the “real” her. No more pretending to be something she’s not. No more showing people what they wanted to see and losing a little more of herself in the process. No more wearing those masks.

“You know,” she paused as a hint of moisture glistened in her eyes. She swallowed deeply and continued, “For the first time in a long while, I feel beautiful.”